Powerful Weapons for Responding
to a Highly Aggressive Bully

Have you tried all the basic methods, but a bully is still winning?

Then maybe you need some more firepower. But be careful: these weapons can be dangerous to you if they backfire.

When you go on the offensive, make sure your body language and tone of voice match your words. Use a strong, firm voice and speak slowly and deliberately. Look him directly in the eyes. Don't fidget. Be calm and sincere.

Encourage a bully to fully express himself

What else is bothering you? Why does that bother you? What do you think we should do about it? You seem very angry. Why?

Question his underlying intentions

Have I done something wrong here? Then why are we having this conversation? What's the point of all this? What's the real problem here? What's behind all this? What's really bothering you?

Casually apologize or thank him

I'm sorry that I bother you so much. I'm sorry you're upset with my behavior. Dealing with you provides a wonderful opportunity for personal growth. It's been a real challenge trying to deal with you.

Force him to make a meaningful point

What's your point? What are you trying to say? What are you getting at? Why are you telling me this? How is that relevant? What do you mean? Does anyone here understand what he is saying? If there's something you want, why don't you come out and say it?

Force him to explain his bullying behavior

Why are you blaming me? Why are you trying to make me feel guilty? Why are you trying to control my behavior? Do you think trying to make me feel bad is a good way to motivate? Do you enjoy putting me down? That was an awful thing to do. Why do you act like that? That was a terrible thing to say. What were you thinking?

Criticize him openly

We're generating more heat than light here. (After bully speaks:) Did you know you come across as a bully? You seem to be blaming everyone but yourself Why do you treat people like things? Are you mean-spirited, or just ignorant and insensitive? Are you trying to be rude, or are you just insensitive? Are you trying to be rude, or do you just despise other people?

Tell him you recognize his bullying nature

I believe you're explanations are irrelevant. Your actions are what really matter. I know what you're up to, and I'm not playing along. I'd really love to help you, but I make it a rule not to let people take advantage of me.

Tell him to leave you alone

Can you do me a favor? Get off my back. I don't have time for this. (Then turn and walk away) I'm not listening to this anymore. In my opinion, you've gone too far.

Imply something is wrong with him

Is everything okay? Aren't you feeling well? Are you happy here? Thanks for caring about the company. You do care about the company, don't you?

Imply that he is a good person displaying bad behavior

That's not like you! I know you aren't really that mean-spirited. I know that underneath it all, you only want to do the right thing. I don't believe that you're really like that. You may act like a bully, but underneath it all, I bet you're a good person.

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