Basic Tools:
Have Fun at the Expense of a Bully

Is a bully making you angry, frustrated and unhappy? Then you are letting a bully control your emotions.

Why not turn the tables on a bully? Have some fun at a bully's expense!

Act mildly amused by a bully's antics
    Thanks for being so thorough in your feedback to me.
    Thanks for keeping me humble.
Mock his angry outbursts
    Don't hold back! Tell us how you really feel.
    I sense you may be harboring some anger towards me.
    What's your secret to staying so calm?
    I'm sensing that something may be bothering you.
Compliment his bullying behavior
    You're very good at that! Do you practice at home?
    You're great at changing the subject!
    Your monologues are awesome! Now I think you've confused everyone!
Mimic his most absurd statement,
using his tone of voice
    So you believe it's all my fault?
    So you're saying I've ruined it for everyone?
Exaggerate a bully's
most ridiculous statements
    So you're saying that since I won't work this weekend I must be a lazy, disloyal employee?
    So you're saying I'm a worthless piece of crap?
Uncover his true meaning
(put words in his mouth)
    So you're saying the ends justifies the means?
    So you believe that we are all incapable of understanding you?
Mock a bully's criticism of you
(which implies that you don't
respect his opinion)
    Yeah, that's right, I only care about myself. It's always me, me, me.
    That's right, I didn't work last weekend because I'm a shiftless, lazy bum.
    Maybe you're right, I'm not that bright. I think everything should be clear and simple.
Use sarcasm
Alternative 1: Respond with a sarcastic comment, then end the conversation:
    Thanks for that incredibly valuable input. I'm going back to work now.

Alternative 2: Agree with him to the extreme:

- Take what he is saying to its logical conclusion

- Go on and on; don't let him interrupt you

- Suggest extreme actions that are increasingly absurd

- Ask for his help in the absurdly extreme actions
    (Bully:) "You know, that was all your fault."
    (You:) You're right, it was all my fault. In fact, you've shown me the light. I can see now that I'm responsible for every mistake made in this department. So from now on, I will accept full responsibility. Can you send out a memo letting everyone know that from now on, everything is my fault?
If a bully becomes angry and says he is leaving
    Don't go away mad; just go away.
Say something abrupt or outrageous
- Ignore his statement or question

- If he is still talking, interrupt him forcefully

- Say something completely off the subject

- Wait for his response

- Examples of your statements and questions:
    All I can say is that I really love this company
    Are you feeling okay today?
    What's the matter with you today?
    What's really bothering you? You can tell me.
    I love you. You're such a challenge for me.
    I like your shirt.
    Did you just get a haircut?
Involve other people to throw him off his rhythm
    (To others:) Hey! Come hear this! (To bully:) Now, repeat what you just said.

    (To bully:) Let's ask ______. (To bystander:) Listen to this. (To bully:) Okay, tell him what you just told me.
Treat it as a practical joke
(smile and act amused)
    Did _____ (someone else's name) put you up to this?
Collect one-liners to use against a bully
    Do you ever get the feeling that the inmates are running the asylum?
    Working with you has provided me with wonderful opportunities for personal growth.