Basic Tools:
Don't Let a Bully Cloud the Issue

A bully thrives on confusion. He doesn't want anyone to understand his true intentions, so he dominates and steers conversations and meetings in a manner that disguises his underlying agenda.

You can reduce a bully's power by fighting his domination of meetings, staying focused on the issues and bringing clarity to the confusion.

Don't let a bully cloud the issue

- Keep the conversation focused on the issue at hand - If you are discussing a bully's inappropriate statements or behavior, don't let him change the subject - Stay focused in the present, not in a bully's distorted perspective of the past or empty promises of the future - Examples of your statements and questions: Before we move on to that, let's finish our conversation on ___. I understand you want to move on, but this is too important to skip over.(then ask question) I know we are running out of time, but let's finish this up first.(then ask question) That's very interesting. But let's get back to the current issue. Let's not keep rehashing the past and guessing about the future. What should we do now? I understand that's what happened in the past, but what do you think we should do now? I understand that may happen in the future, but what do you think we should do now?

Diffuse a bully's monologues

- Interrupt before he talks too long (see How to Interrupt a Bully) - Force him to address a prior issue - Force him to focus his statements on a major point - Be prepared to interrupt again if he launches another monologue - Examples of your statements and questions: Let's finish talking about ___. You've added several things I don't understand, but first let's finish talking about ___. How is that relevant to our current discussion? I've very confused by what you're saying. What's your main point? Help me here for a minute. Are you saying ___(paraphrase)? I don't have time for this. What's your point? You've totally confused me. What point are you trying to make? You've lost me. What are you trying to say? You've lost me again. What's your main point? Is there anyone here who understands what he is saying? I'm confused. What are we trying to accomplish here? I feel like we're going around in circles. What are we trying to accomplish? I'm having trouble following this conversation. What are you talking about?

CONTINUE TO NEXT PAGE