Basic Tools:
Uncover a Bully's True Meaning and Intentions

Effective communication is at the heart of handling a bully. You must cut through his deceptions and reveal his true meaning and intentions.

How to paraphrase a bully

- Attack the items that are obviously bullying - Don't change a bully's meaning, merely re-state what he said - Ask him to confirm that what he said is what he meant - Examples of your statements and questions: Let me be sure I heard you right. Let me make sure I understand you: Are you saying ___? So you think ___? I'm not sure I understand you. Are you saying ___? Why do you think ____? How would ____ lead to ____? - After you paraphrase him, then ask: Is that how you feel? Is that what you mean? - Keep revising your paraphrasing until he confirms his meaning

How to force clarification

- Repeat his bullying comments back to him slowly to make it clear - Use very simple and direct statements - Examples of your statements and questions: So you feel that I'm ___? So you believe that ___? I don't understand. I don't understand what you're trying to say. I'm confused by what you're saying. Why? How come ___? What do you mean by ___?

How to reveal his subtle criticisms

- When a bully implies a criticism, immediately force it into the open - Don't respond to his subsequent question until you have attacked his criticism of you - Interrupt others in a meeting if necessary to bring a bully's criticism in the open - Forcefully attack his presuppositions (i.e. hidden premises to the rest of his statement or question. Example: "If you really cared about the company, you would ___". This implies that you don't care about the company.) - Examples of your statements and questions: When did you start thinking that___? (Example: When did you start thinking that I didn't care about the company? ) So you're saying___? I'm not sure I understand what you mean by ___? How long have you believed that ___? What is it about me that makes you think that ___?

How to aggressively question a bully

- Act like an aggressive prosecutor talking to a deceiving witness - Ask rapid fire questions - Cut him off after each initial response statement and ask another question - Ask follow-up questions based on the first part of his response

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