Prepare for the Worst:
Assume that Others will Disappoint You

You can tell your true friends by whether they fully support you in times of trouble. It would be wonderful if your co-workers stood shoulder-to-shoulder with you in confronting a bully, but don't expect it.

Loyalty usually vanishes in the stress and turmoil of a toxic workplace, particularly when a powerful bully is on a rampage. Your co-workers are more likely to be intimidated into silence, particularly if their own jobs and careers are at stake.

Your co-workers may also be unaware of the deceitful, manipulative nature of a bully. If they are kind and cooperative people, they are probably giving the bully the benefit of the doubt. They are more likely to buy into the fiction that either "it is just a personality conflict" or that you are a "negative, disruptive influence" for complaining about the bully.

You may see the same co-workers later victimized by the bully. Then they will see things your way, although it probably will be too late to do you any good. Even family members will tend to disappoint you in times of extreme stress and turmoil.

So if you want to avoid disappointment over the behavior of others, don't expect too much. In the atmosphere of fear and confusion created by a bully, they perceive little choice but to pursue their own self-interest.

Assuming the worst from your co-workers

- Don't expect any support from co-workers - Expect some co-workers to betray you - Expect others to bad-mouth you behind your back - Expect to be blamed for problems caused by a bully - Expect to feel a loss of trust and camaraderie with your co-workers - Expect to feel isolated from your co-workers - Expect to feel betrayed and belittled

Assuming the worst from your family

- Expect no sympathy from the people you care about - Expect criticism because of their lack of understanding - Expect them to inadvertently exploit your emotional turmoil - Expect to be blamed for their unhappiness

Note on dealing with bullies in your personal life:
Once you begin studying a bully at work, you may recognize bullying behaviors at home. Prepare to use some of the gentler tactics for exposing the bullying tactics of family, relatives and friends.

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