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Hidden Trait #12:
A Bully Plays the Victim

A bully pretends to be a victim in order to manipulate others. Because most people are good and compassionate, this is bullying at its worst.

When a bully acts like a victim, he also gains the unwitting compliance of others into bullying you. Na´ve, compassionate people will chastise you for not caring about the bully's victimization, and not changing your behavior to meet the bully's desires.

Although this particularly nasty form of bullying occurs occasionally in the workplace, it is more common at home, where it represents emotional blackmail.

A bully exaggerates the impact
of your actions on him
- He exaggerates his pain and suffering

- He makes you feel guilty for causing his pain

- He claims you don't appreciate him
A bully focuses on past
and future victimization
- He frequently reminds you of your past actions that hurt him

- He replays his pain whenever he wants to manipulate you

- He brings up his pain long after the event occurred

- He doesn't seem to get over things

- He says you will hurt him again if you don't do what he wants
A bully uses his victimization
to avoid changing his behavior
- He says you must earn back his trust, good will, friendship, support

- He claims his belligerence results from his being treated unfairly

- He becomes angry and indignant when you try to reason with him

- He says he is tired of doing all the compromising

- He says he isn't going to be so polite in the future

- He suggests that others are ganging up on him
His favorite phrases
    "You deserted me in my hour of need."
    "You betrayed my trust in you."
    "Why are you ruining it for the rest of us?"
    "Don't you want to help us succeed instead of standing in our way?"
    "You hurt me when you did that."(or said that)
    "You hurt my feelings when you did that."(or said that).
    "You hurt others when you did that."(or said that).
    "You hurt the company when you did that."(or said that).
    "Go ahead and enjoy yourself. I'll be okay. I don't mind."
    "I work really hard for the company. How can you be so selfish?"
    "How could you do this to me?"
    "I thought I could count on you."
    "I thought we had an understanding."
    "I thought we were friends."
    "You caused my pain, and now you're making it worse."
    "Save me from my pain by doing what I want you to."

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