Hidden Trait #11:
A Bully Pretends to Care

When a bully is pretending to care about others and the firm, he is at his most manipulative and dangerous. Most people are taken in by his apparently positive energy, enthusiasm and charisma. But they are naively being fooled by an attractive personality that hides a morally and ethically corrupt bully who is coldly and ruthlessly pursuing his own selfish ends.

A bully pretends to care about you in order to disguise and justify his manipulative and destructive actions. He wants to undermine and humiliate you without being perceived as a bully.

When a bully is criticizing you, the reality is that he has no empathy for you. He doesn't recognize the challenges you face, he doesn't acknowledge when his mistakes caused your failure. He doesn't recognize your skills, hard work and commitment. He doesn't give you positive suggestions for improving. Despite his caring exterior, he wants to intimidate and control you.

A bully doesn't really care about you as a person

- His expression of affection is tainted with possessiveness - He compliments you because it serves his purpose - He has a look of concern, but he doesn't truly respect you - He only sees your weaknesses and shortcomings

A bully uses the excuse of caring to destroy your self-confidence

- He says his criticisms are motivated by caring - His criticisms are destructive because he doesn't respect you - He tries to overwhelm you with criticism - He accumulates a long list, then unloads on you all at once - His compliments are empty, followed by overly harsh criticism

A bully slanders you under the guise of caring

- He treats gossip as real for the purpose of hurting you - He is brutally honest with you to destroy your self-confidence - He claims that his frankness is for your own good - He repeats negative opinions that others have about you - He implies that the opinions of others are factual - He distorts the comments of others - He ignores the bias and ignorance of others - He suggests you need psychological counseling

A bully pretends to care while undermining you

- He pretends to be your friend while tearing you down - He destroys your reputation in the company - His weakens your position as an adversary - He exaggerates the importance of your mistakes - He implies you are incompetent

A bully pretends to care while attacking your personality

- He exaggerates your mood changes - He stereotypes your personality type - He acts concerned as he implies you have emotional problems - He makes others believe you are emotionally unstable

A bully belittles you and pretends it is camaraderie

- He belittles you but calls it friendly teasing - He humiliates you under the guise of good friends kidding - He tell embarrassing stories about you

A Bully's Favorite Phrases to Manipulate
and Destroy You While Pretending He Cares

A bully pretends to only care about others

"I only want what's best for the company." "I only want what's best for our department." "I only want what's best for your career."

A bully belittles people while pretending to care about them

"He has good intentions." "Just give him time to develop." "I know others think he is incompetent, but I like him." "Personally, I think he will succeed, but he seems to be struggling."

A bully demeans and attacks you behind the mask of caring

"I'm just being honest." "I just thought you should know." "I'm telling you this because I care about you." "What's come over you lately?"

A bully demeans your character and reputation

"When you did that, people looked at you as foolish." "You have lost the respect of others."

A bully says you are unpopular, then acts like he is your only true friend

"The rest of the company doesn't see your potential like I do." "I don't care what everyone else says, I think you can make it here." "Here's what they said about you, but I disagree."

A bully describes his manipulative actions as a form of caring

"I'm doing this for your own good." "I'm doing this for the good of the company."

If you object to a bully's kidding, he will attack you

"You're being too sensitive." "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?" "Can't you take a joke?"

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