Visible Trait #2:
A Bully Controls You

Fundamentally, a bully wants to control you. He wants to control every situation. He wants to make all the decisions about your life.

A bully wants to control how you work and play

- He wants to control company-related leisure, recreation and retreats - He doesn't participate when others have made the decisions - He likes to ruin your weekends by creating Monday deadlines

A bully wants to live your life for you

- He wants to make key decisions about your career - If you defy him, he says you'll be damaging your future - If you ignore his advice, he says you'll be throwing away your career - He wants you to change your attitudes about work - He wants you to sacrifice your happiness and family life

A bully wants to control your emotions

- He wants you to depend on his support, affection and camaraderie - If you don't cooperate, he wants to make you afraid and frustrated - He wants to push your emotional hot buttons - He wants you to feel desire, hate, fear, guilt or shame

A bully's affection, support and offers of help come at a price

- He offers wonderful, fulfilling friendship as a reward for obeying him - He makes his support conditional upon you obeying him - There are always strings attached to his help - He wants you to feel indebted to him

A bully is very territorial

- He fiercely protects his own turf (department, projects, staff) - He is indignant at those who threaten his turf - He is eager to take over someone else's turf - He denies or downplays his attempts to steal projects and staff

A bully dominates conversations

- He refuses to explain things clearly - He requires you to communicate in his lingo - He cuts you off before you have a chance to explain your position - He refuses to follow the conversational lead of others - He attacks anyone who won't follow his conversational lead - He changes the subject before you are ready

A bully prevents your communication with important people

- He excludes you from key meetings - He insists all complaints go up the chain of command (through him) - He becomes angry if you talk to his superiors

A bully calls on you to fulfill your duty, obligations and responsibilities

- He describes your duty as an employee - He describes your responsibility to the company - He says you will be held accountable - He reminds you that it is your obligation - He likes to use the phrase "You should_____."

A bully micro-manages you

- He creates detailed job descriptions - He focuses on your detailed tasks rather than your role in the company - He wants to dictate every action you take - He doesn't allow you to use judgement and initiative - He creates strict measurements of your performance - He holds you accountable as a way to create fear in you - He punishes you when you resist his micro-management

A bully is overly demanding

- He demands rather than asks - He demands unreasonable time commitments - He demands unnecessary sacrifices - He demands spur-of-the-moment sacrifices - He gives last-minute assignments with unreasonable deadlines - He refuses to discuss his reasons

CONTINUE TO NEXT PAGE